Little Sweater-Beard

Part 1: 3:27 am, Saturday, November 12, 2022

Go Big Then Go Bigger.

Gears are turning. Forces are gathering. Gnomes are building. The map is extending. New elements are brewing. Dunedinville is rising. Bigger.

There is a danger in mania outrunning vision. We lean into this co-creative edge. And we ground down into our center. This is an integration of opposing forces, this is a stillpoint of infinite potential. 

In our origin story Little Sweater-Beard, which is a work of creative nonfiction, a soft voice beckons.

no light, there’s no dark

no dark, there’s no light

the good, the bad, happy, sad

all part of this thing called life 

Dunedinville first emerged in 2020 during a time of personal grief and global isolation. The details may change, but the human condition remains the same: how to find hope and joy even in the hard times?

And so we go big. And then we go bigger. Here and now. 

you’ve come from stardust

all you need is inside of you

shine bold, bright, all through the night

there’s nothing else but this to do

--

Part 2: 4:09 am, Friday, December 9, 2022. Revised from 3rd to 1st Person 5:12am, Tuesday, December 12, 2023. 

The Healing Power of an Over-the-Top Light Display in Duluth

Dunedinville is a whimsical holiday light display and outdoor holiday gathering in the Hunters Park neighborhood of Duluth, Minnesota. Yes, there is a mania to it all: a light tunnel, hidden gnomes, fire pits, music, sled tracks, children's book, podcasts, board games, a snow maker, et cetera. We go big then go bigger every single year. 

But things are not always exactly as they seem.  

It seems eternal darkness 

Has come to take me down

And I'm looking for a star

Where there's no star to be found

I could not hear the choir

Nor hear the grand applause

I could not hear the ho ho ho

From good old Santa Claus

So many silent nights

That seem to never end

The silence goes on forever

And then goes on again

(Ingeborg von Agassiz)

In 2019, I lost my mom to a long, courageous, and hidden battle against depression. She was the brightest of sunshine spirits. Her heart was pure gold. When hers broke, mine shattered. An innocence in me died on that terrible day. Some things will never be the same again. 

Eight months later, the pandemic began. 

Eight months after that, the 2020 holiday season began.

I was grieving a very difficult loss while enduring the isolation and anxiety of the pandemic, Everything felt so different, despairing, bleak. And because of the pandemic, I couldn't even go to see my dad, my brother, my sister over the holidays in 2020.

December had always been my favorite time of the year. Playing outside in the deep and dark cold of winter, decorating the Christmas tree, enjoying holiday movies and music, gathering together with family and friends. And now...this. Heaviness and sadness. Missing the hope and joy of December. Really missing my mom. 

A choice was before me. How to live with loss?  It was not an easy or obvious choice, but after many long nights of the soul, I chose to be light within darkness. And I started building Dunedinville.

" Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these -- to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do." (Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

Now a few years down the road, I  invite everyone I know to Dunedinville. Plus a bunch of people I kind of know. Plus a fair number of people that I do not know at all. This is my way of tending to the hope and joy inside of me, and sharing it with others. I know that everyone lives through hard times and loss — each in their own way, in their own time and place. I believe that if we can gather together, we will be alright, even better than alright, even on the darkest of nights. That's Christmas, to me. 

If you come to Dunedinville, be sure to visit the Sunshine House of the Trees, fully bedazzled and sparkling. After my mom passed in August 2020, my family gathered together and spent three months building this special place. My dad, brother sister, aunts, uncles, neighbors gathered to build the Sunshine  House of the Trees. 

On June 20th, 2019, deep in her battle with depression and despair, my mom wrote in her journal: "Today is a sad day for me. The house I have is dark and grey. It has very few windows so there is little light coming in. The rooms are very small, with very little furniture. The air in the house is not very fresh, as there are very few windows to let in some fresh air. The colors of the furniture are dark and not very comfortable. There is no fireplace to sit by and be warm and cozy - so it is rather cold and dreary in here. Not many people come to visit this house because it is not a house full of laughter and fun. There is very little conversation in this house because there just isn’t much to talk about. Not much cooking is done here, because no one is very hungry. Bedtime is a relief from the sadness of the day so the bed is big and comfortable. It is a shelter from the sadness that engulfs me. There is no music playing and I love music. But my heart is heavy today. I would rather have this be a house, bright yellow, with lots of sunshine and music and laughter. I want these feelings to come back. I miss those feelings so very, very much. I’m hoping with all of my heart that this is just a temporary residence. Right now it seems so overwhelming. Please let me change this house. I want this more than anything in the world right now."

We built you that bright yellow house, momma. It is filled with laughter and fun. Somehow, some way,  I know you are looking down on Dunedinville and your sadness is melting away. Music and light now fills the air. 

Never lose hope. Love, always. 

--

Hope - Peace - Joy - Love - Light: May We Be So. 

Troy "Walter" Abfalter

Co-Creative Director of Dunedinville 

Dunedin Avenue, Duluth, MN, USA, Earth